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‘SNL’ cold open offers up more ‘exciting’ Democratic candidates ahead of ‘big yikes’ midterms

“Saturday Night Live” In the cold open this weekend, President Biden (Andrew Dismux) on Tuesday worried about “big yikes” midterms and wondered whether the Liberals should spice up their candidate lineup.

“this Tuesday, mid term election will determine the fate of our democracy and let’s just say: big oh!” insisted the commander-in-chief at the top of the show, standing behind the presidency.

“Guys, I’m trying like hell, I promise. I tempt fate on the peloton every morning,” Desmukes said as Biden.

The fake president admitted he is “boring” and said the problem for Democrats in this election cycle is that they “have no stars anymore.”

‘SNL’ Cold Open Breaks Rise of GOP Candidates Without ‘Any Political Experience’ Before Midterm

President Biden (Andrew Dismux) suggested "more interesting" Celebrity candidates opened up ahead of midterm in the chill of this weekend.

President Biden (Andrew Dismux) suggested “more interesting” celebrity candidates ahead of the midterm in this weekend’s cold open.
(“Saturday Night Live”/NBC)

“Too many Raphael warnings and not enough herschel walkerThat’s why we’re going to have some last-minute changes with some Democrats that are exciting!” he said.

Biden suggested replacing Representative Adam Schiff with former presidential candidate and spiritual leader Marianne Williamson.

Williamson said that as a “level-four sorceress” she is “ready to fight for the American dream” as she hit a Tibetan singing bowl.

Biden called her “America’s next ‘Defense Against Dark Arts Teacher,’ People.”

He also suggested “‘Mayor of Flavortown’ Guy Fieri” (Molly Kearney) to replace Democratic nominee John Fetterman against Dr. Mehmet Oz.

“America is hungry for change,” Kearney said as the furious, bleach blond Food Network star. “But do you all want a whole plate of Dr. Oz’s crudite or paid family leave dripping in donkey sauce? Wow!”

PHILADELPHIA, PA - NOVEMBER 05: President Joe Biden (L) and former US President Barack Obama (R) rally for Pennsylvania Democratic Senate candidate John Fetterman and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Josh Shapiro at the Liacours Center on November 5, 2022 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  In the midterm general election on November 8, Fetterman will face Republican nominee Dr. Mehmet Oz as Shapiro will face Republican Doug Mastriano.  (Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images)

PHILADELPHIA, PA – NOVEMBER 05: President Joe Biden (L) and former US President Barack Obama (R) rally for Pennsylvania Democratic Senate candidate John Fetterman and Democratic gubernatorial candidate Josh Shapiro at the Liacours Center on November 5, 2022 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In the midterm general election on November 8, Fetterman will face Republican nominee Dr. Mehmet Oz as Shapiro will face Republican Doug Mastriano. (Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images)
(Photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images)

Biden Predicts Democrats to take Senate, chance to keep House in the middle

Dismux’ Biden Introduced rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine (Marcelo Hernandez) as “Your Next Senator from Ohio”.

“I want no limit on Social Security, no limit!” The typical rapper said out loud, waving his arms around. “Democrats, baby!”

Biden called him a “terrible young man” after the rapper left the stage before introducing former adult film star Stormy Daniels (Cecile Strong) as “Michigan’s next governor”.

Chef and television personality Guy Fieri and his son Ryder Fieri (L) attend a game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Las Vegas Raiders at Elegant Stadium on October 24, 2021 in Las Vegas, Nevada.  The Raiders defeated the Eagles 33-22.

Chef and television personality Guy Fieri and his son Ryder Fieri (L) attend a game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Las Vegas Raiders at Elegant Stadium on October 24, 2021 in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Raiders defeated the Eagles 33-22.
(Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

“Hello, TV,” as Danielle slows down a bit. “I may currently be a former adult star on season seven of ‘Serial Life,’ but I am ready to let myself down and enter American politics.”

He added that rapper Azalea Banks (Ago Nvodim) would beat Florida Sen. Marco Rubio “because she’s not afraid to fight.”

“I’m a witch, b—h!” She groaned, holding her hands up like claws, while Biden looked scared as she walked away.

MIAMI, FL - DECEMBER 17: Rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine performs during MiamiBash 2021 at FTX Arena on December 17, 2021 in Miami, Florida.  (Photo by John Parra/Getty Images,)

MIAMI, FL – DECEMBER 17: Rapper Tekashi 6ix9ine performs during MiamiBash 2021 at FTX Arena on December 17, 2021 in Miami, Florida. (Photo by John Parra/Getty Images,)

In the end, he introduces actor Tracy Morgan (Kenan Thompson) as the student loan handout’s freshman, after saying that people “go crazy” over the policy.

In the cool style of the “SNL” alum, Thompson said that “if you all want that money” people will “have to come here and rub my belly.”

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Bringing back Motley Fool Crews, who wrote Biden’s “What Do We Want?” answered. The questions (Morgan wanted the sugar-free White Castle) and “When do we want it?” Questioning differently (Williamson suggested a parallel timeline), the president half-heartedly decided, “We’re going to be okay.”

Comedian Amy Schumer guest-hosted the show and Steve Lacey was the musical guest.