Celebrity News

Is Mindful Sex Actually Achievable

Last month I wrote about how many women suffer right smack dab in the middle of having sex. I call it “List syndrome”. Many of you may already know what List syndrome is, but for those of you who don’t, here’s a scenario you might be familiar with:

You and your partner are meeting bu-SY; Things are hot and steamy and on track for a super fun and fabulous time when suddenly your to-do lists – what you need to do, where you need to be (and don’t forget about dog food and pimple patches you forgot at Target last night) – any and all, come floating in your head. Your brain has put the brakes on, my friend, and you feel like you’ve been benched by some sex referee ghost who has decided you’re too busy to move on.

Some people are able to roll with it and continue to hang out with their partners, but others who experience Lyst syndrome have a really hard time getting back on track. what can we do about it? Glad you asked:

1. Our mind is designed for our thoughts, and no matter how much we practice, no one can maintain a clear and open mind 24-7. it’s not possible. So if that is your goal, give yourself a break because you will never be able to accomplish it. You are human after all, and you have a lot going on. We’re not trying to completely rid ourselves of unwanted (or poorly timed) thoughts—we just want to know how to better manage them.

2. If you want to learn how to become more sexually aware, it makes sense to figure out how, generally speaking. We hear a lot about mindfulness these days, but what exactly is it? You might be surprised. Diana Winston, director of mindfulness education at the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center, defines it as the practice of “paying attention to present moment experiences with openness, curiosity, and a willingness to be with what is.” Practicing mindfulness is unique to each person, so finding what works for you is of paramount importance.

3. Speaking of practice, if you don’t make consistency a priority, mindfulness won’t be all that helpful. That doesn’t mean you need 3 hours a day – even a few minutes on a regular basis can be effective. But it’s like anything; If you are not committed, you will not be able to reap the benefits.

4. Once you get a handle on common exercises, you’ll definitely want to put your skills to use during sex! Mindfulness practice teaches us to accept that we are going to experience thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations at any given time. So if you’re suddenly hit by List syndrome, you can improve more easily when you’re able to accept what’s going on in your head rather than resist. You will learn to establish yourself in the here and now, and return to the blissful present.

It’s not easy, but it’s a skill that you can fully develop. You can find some excellent starting points as well as a structured program in psychologist Lorraine Brotto’s excellent books “Better Sex Through Mindfulness” and “The Better Sex Through Mindfulness Workbook: A Guide to Cultivating Desire.”

If you need more tips, we can help! Make an appointment for your free 10-minute phone consultation today, and learn how you can have more satisfying and mindful sex!